Rules for Grandparents


I must be from Lake Wobegone because I come from a place where, in the charming words of Garrison Keillor, “…all the women are strong, all the men are good looking and all the children are above average.”  I am sure that our grandchildren have inherited all of the strengths and none of the weaknesses of their ancestors. 

We love taking our grandkids on vacation.  The Children’s Museum in Indianapolis; The Volksmarch hike to the top of the Crazy Horse Monument; and the aquarium in Monterey, CA are all at the top of my list.  Along the way we have learned some things. 

If you ask a child if they have to go to the bathroom they will say, “No.”  They are lying to you.  They will suddenly have an, “emergency” and the bathroom will be in the geographically most remote spot from where you presently are.  When you get to a bathroom there will be a line.  If there is no line, the bathroom will be a port-o-potty that the child will tearfully describe as, “nasty.”  The child will be right, but what difference does that make?  Oh, all of the aforementioned bathroom problems assume that the child is a girl.  If the child is a boy there simply is no problem.  Proof, if there was ever any needed, that God is a man.  You women all know I am saying the truth. 

The other thing we have learned is that if you have two children on vacation you must never—ever—offer them a choice (food, entertainment, games, chores…the list goes on).  Their invariable response to any proffered choice is a tacit agreement designed to make you crazy.  If one wants hot dogs, the other wants hamburgers.  Their little minds set the timing to a hair trigger.  Some times one of them goes first, some times the other.  The point is to make sure that as sure as one chooses, “A” the other chimes in with, “B.”  Then they have the fun of watching you squirm into the role of honest, if harried, broker.   Take my advice, just make the burgers and let them eat or starve.  They’re smart, they’ll survive.

If you take your grandchildren to any animal centered activity they will want that animal for a pet.  We recently took our two youngest grandchildren to the Harley Goat Farm in Pescadero, CA.  They loved it but now want their parents to buy them a baby goat.  There is no solution to this problem, but neither is it my problem.  I get to drop the kids off with Mom and Dad and then leave for Texas.  Next year I am going to find a donkey farm to visit! 

Some situations are standard.  Children never pack enough socks.  Expenses will be greater than you anticipate or think fair.   Electronics will keep you sane in the car!  Kids eat crap and yet they thrive.  [So did you!  You turned into a health nut when age caught up with you.]   If the number of children exceeds the number of adults you are not only out-manned, you are out-gunned as well.  Don’t do it!

Finally, I must say that there is nothing as fulfilling as watching the world through the eyes of a child.  They will make you happier with their laughter; younger with their irreverence; fulfilled with their spontaneous kindness and whole with their need for one more loving adult in their lives.  Thank you Lord, for you have made me a blessed woman.

Children give us a reason to keep the faith.     

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