Menards is a Man Crush

Last night my husband took me to Menards.  This was not a case of “we need something at Menards” this was more like a date.  I thought I was going to Fritz’s for frozen custard. As it tuns out, the whole “Fritz’s” gambit was one more example of a man offering ice cream and then slipping in some hardware.  To Tom’s credit, I did get ice cream and the grand tour of Menards was simply foreplay. 

            This was my first time at Menards.  Some of you may find this strange. Menards is the third largest home improvement retailer in the country.  It has some 300 stores in 14 states (most in the Midwest).  The chain started in Eau Claire, Wisconsin and is an all-American success story.  John Menard, Jr. started building post-frame (pole) buildings to finance his college education.  By the time he graduated he had a solid business going and is providing employment and unbounded joy to hardware lovers everywhere.  So why haven’t I been in one?

First, there is that missing apostrophe.  There should be an apostrophe between the “d” and “s” in Menards, making it a proper possessive.  The store belongs to Menard, so it should be “Menard’s.”    The apostrophe has been eliminated for obvious—and grammatically incorrect—simplicity.  You may not think this is a deal breaker, but keep in mind I avoid shopping at Toys R Us because it should be Toys R We and I refuse to subsidize bad grammar.  Second, I don’t do hardware stores.  My original response to Menards was that it looked like Walmart and Lowe’s had gotten together and had a baby.  It was huge, shiny and clean but a hardware store, never-the-less.  

My closest friends will tell you that the over-riding reason I have never been to Menards is that I hate to shop.  I only shop when forced to by circumstances (hunger…breaking the head off my putter…being the mother of the bride).  I go shopping with an attitude, expect to be fed, and am convinced that if I haven’t found what I want in 20 minutes that is God telling me I don’t need it.  I have never gone shopping just because that sounds like a fun way to spend an afternoon; shopping is NEVER a fun way to spend an afternoon.

So last night was my first time in Menards.  Tom has a man crush on this store.  He wanted me to see how grand, how inclusive, how big Menards is.  His stated purpose was to give me a “tour” of the best store he has ever been in.  I took him at his word, and made a bathroom stop before we got started.  We walked the aisles—all the aisles—while he waved his arms in one direction after another.  He pointed out the number and variety of items on the shelves. 

“You don’t see this many sinks anywhere else!”

“This whole aisle is devoted to nail guns—not just one or two!”

“Do you like these cabinets?  I’ll buy you these cabinets!”

“LED lighted yard gnomes!”

Folks, I started pointing out items myself, just to focus my eyes. 

The truth is, Menards is a great store.  It is full service (there are even groceries).  It is clean, uncluttered, sensibly arranged and the prices are reasonable.  I can see why they are successful.  Certainly, they have a disciple in my husband.  I hope they open a store in Texas.  It will be so much easier for me to get Tom to take me out for ice cream.

American commerce keeps the faith.