Playboy Bunny Enjoys Some Body Shaming

This column of mine  was published in the local paper The Monitor this Sunday.

Over twenty-five ago, I started working out at my local YMCA.  I had been doing lap swimming for a few years but had hit a plateau and thought that building up my upper body strength would help.  So, a few years before it became a fad, I ventured into the weight room and started using the machines.  Over the years, other women caught on to the benefits of weight work and the YMCA improved and expanded it facilities.  One summer the “Y” closed the whole building for a week and we came back to a totally remodeled, clean, airy, comfortable, carpeted weight room with an array of state of the art machines. 

            But then there were those mirrors!  They covered one entire wall of the weight room from floor to ceiling. 

Over the next weeks I noticed a very interesting human dynamic going on.  By this time there were lots of women working out in that room.  In my late 40’s I was probably the oldest of the group, certainly I had been there the longest.  But age, size or shape made no difference.  Not a single woman liked those mirrors.  We automatically positioned ourselves so we would not--could not--see ourselves working out.  The most beautiful, fit, youthful girl in that room looked at herself, made a face and turned around.  All of us were thinking we were too fat, too scrawny, too young, too old, too… (fill in the blank).

            What were the men doing?  God bless ‘em, they loved it.  I never saw a single man who didn’t carry his free weights over to that mirror so he could admire himself while he worked out those Adonis arms!  It made absolutely no difference if they were good looking or not, paunchy or well built, young or old, in or out of shape.  Every man in that room liked what he saw!  If you ever want proof that God is a man, here is exhibit A. 

            Women are our own worst enemies and harshest critics.  As a group, we need to give ourselves a break.  We need to judge ourselves with a broader standard that is less physical and more mental.   Feminism has failed us in so many ways and this obsession with an artificially composed standard of beauty is one of them. 

            Then comes Dani Mathers, a 29-year-old former Playboy model.  Our little Dani was evidently so offended by the sight of a 70-year-old woman in the shower at Dani’s gym that she took a “selfie” of the nude woman with Dani’s astonished face in the foreground and then captioned the picture with the words “If I can’t unsee this then you can’t either.”  She then posted it on social media. 

            In the aftermath of this exercise in bullying and body shaming, the fitness center did the right thing.  They actively sought police prosecution for Ms. Mathers.  She had violated several rules of privacy at the club, not to mention rules of civility and compassion.  Dani went through the predictable, hollow and totally hypocritical series of on-line apologies.  She knows body shaming is bad…This isn’t who she is…She didn’t mean to hurt anyone…She doesn’t understand how Snapchat works…ad infinitum, ad nauseam, ad crap!

            Here we have an elderly woman who knows perfectly well that she does not look like a Playboy model, but who hauls her cellulite to the gym a few times a week to make herself feel better, stay healthier, live longer and enjoy the years remaining.  Ridiculing her we have a Playboy model who thinks that her good looks are a life-long gift, and women who don’t share this gift are worthy of contempt. 

            What Dani Mathers doesn’t know is a great deal, but let me share something with her that she can take to the bank.  I also am 70 years old.  On my best day, I was never anything other than plain.  I work out every day and this much is true: time and gravity are going to do for Dani what nature did for that woman.  But generosity of spirit and respect for all women are things that old age cannot touch.   Dani needs to work on humility as well as her abs.