Perineum Sunning and Celebrities

It seems there is a “celebrity” named Josh Brolin who has seriously sunburned his nether regions.  He did so inadvertently (not to mention unthinkingly) while taking part in a practice called perineum sunning.  Now there are several things here that need explaining, and one that escapes explanation entirely. 

     First, there is the question of Mr. Brolin, himself.  When I first heard of this incident Brolin was simply described as a celebrity.  This loosely defined word, which can refer to well-known talent, fame, media association or simple luck, covers a wide swath.  My husband is sure that Brolin is an actor; I’m betting on an athlete.  In any event the unfolding story convinces me that while this man’s bank account may be in seven digits, his I.Q. is certainly in two.  Celebrity may not preclude intelligence, but it does not seem to require it, either. 

     Second, there is the perineum.  Or, rather, where is the perineum?  Let’s just say that to sunburn one’s perineum requires an extremely vulnerable position.  You must also expose delicate and thin tissue which was erstwhile never seen by the sun to exactly that “bright eye of heaven.”  Photos show a row of men getting a healthy glow on their paler parts (framed as delicately as broadcast television can allow) by lying on their backs, facing the sun with their legs cast upward in a super-sized “V” for victory (or vegan) sign.   There was just enough torque on the legs to assure a good dose of ultraviolet on the….oh, I just can’t say it.

     So, finally, we come to the question that can’t be answered.  Why would anyone do something so fraught with laughable naivete? The obvious answer is they didn’t think it through, but that still leaves a “why” hanging out there just like an exposed perineum.  Why?  The best I can come up with is that there are some people who are so sure they have a better bead on reality than the rest of us, that they must prove it by doing something that the rank and file would never dream of.   If you must prove you are smarter than the rabble you can’t do it by agreeing with what they say—or do—or don’t do. 

      I believe you could go into the midst of almost any place of employment and quiz the working men therein if they think there is any advantage to perineum sunning.  [Bring alone a picture of the same and an urban dictionary so you don’t have to explain too much.]  Once the laughter has calmed down (no small amount of time, by the way) you will be given a resoundingly negative response.  Now if you are a celebrity you can not possibly go alone with the feeling of the majority.  That would mean their intellectual acumen was easily on a par with yours. 

      No.  No, I say.  It cannot be.  It must no be.  A celebrity must prove they are a better breed of person.  There is no choice but to happily, willfully and with smug malice of forethought sunburn your parts. 

     I would like to add one note to this.  My husband and I live in a nudist resort.  People may call us crazy, but the stupidest thing I have ever seen anyone do here, is load a wood-chipper wearing nothing but protective googles and steel-toed shoes.  At least they were wearing sunblock.

     If the Almighty wanted certain things sunned, He would have put them on your head instead of between your legs.  Remember that and keep the faith.