A Daughter Honors Our Fathers

 

In 1964 I started my undergraduate studies, already knowing that my family structure was not the typical one shared by my fellow students.  My mother worked full time outside of the home.  She always had.  Mom had been trained in two years of Normal school, which was a two-year program that produced teachers for a growing nation that valued education for all.  When we moved from Minnesota to Colorado, she got a better paying job as a bookkeeper for the City and County of Denver.  During that same time my Dad worked in every aspect of the dairy industry.

In that same year, 1964, men spent an average of 42 hours/week working for wages.  The average for women was 8.  In the current decade women make up over half the workforce.  Women’s work hours moved to 36/week by 2023 while men’s had decreased to 40. 

As you might have guessed, with more women working, the other divisions of a day’s labor—specifically housework and childcare—have had to adjust to changes in labor.  In 1964, men provided 4 hours/week of household chores.  Now it is up to 10.  Likewise, the old numbers for a man’s share of childcare were 2.5 hours/week.  They are now 7.   So, while the time women spend on home and childcare have decreased by 10 hours per week, the time men spend on these tasks has doubled. 

I am not saying that either sex has an easy time of it.  Earning a living, taking care of a home and then taking on the enormous task of raising children is arduous.  The lazy, silly, superficial and emotionally needy should not apply.  But today, on Father’s Day, I want to emphasize that being the father figure is not an easy job, but it is irreplaceable. 

For example, studies have shown us that if you want to raise strong, independent daughters with a positive sense of self-worth, the presence of a loving, involved father is essential.  All children who have positive, sustained, daily interaction with their fathers start school with better vocabularies, better cognitive processes, and more emotional equanimity than their peers who are absent caring fathers.  While these involved fathers can exist outside of marriage, they are much more often found in a marital relationship.  Commitment is as commitment does.    

Yes, yes, I know that men have been given perks based on a male oriented hierarchy in the past.  I know that misogyny exists and, when paired with power and entrenched stereotypes, is a potent force for evil.  But I have known too many men who work against this type to feel that sexism is an inevitability.  Evolution is a slow process and social evolution is no different.  I am the daughter of a working woman.  I was a working woman.  My daughters are working women.  If I can see men without the filter of sexist discontent anybody can. 

The fact is, men have been carrying their share of the load for decades and are now being asked to continue that task, share the housework, tend the babies, get in touch with their feminine side and still carry out the trash all while appreciating their wives, walking a chalk line, keeping their nose to the grindstone, their shoulder to the wheel, and their eyes on the prize!  I do not want their job.

So this column is about the honored role of men in raising our children and the men who are willing to take on that task with love, with patience, with humor and with a strong sense of duty.    

Honor thy father and keep the faith.