Menards is a Man Crush


Last night my husband took me to Menards.  This was not a case of “we need something at Menards” this was more like a date.  I thought I was going to Fritz’s for frozen custard. As it tuns out, the whole “Fritz’s” gambit was one more example of a man offering ice cream and then slipping in some hardware.  To Tom’s credit, I did get ice cream and the grand tour of Menards was simply foreplay. 
            This was my first time at Menards.  Some of you may find this strange. Menards is the third largest home improvement retailer in the country.  It has some 300 stores in 14 states (most in the Midwest).  The chain started in Eau Claire, Wisconsin and is an all-American success story.  John Menard, Jr. started building post-frame (pole) buildings to finance his college education.  By the time he graduated he had a solid business going and is providing employment and unbounded joy to hardware lovers everywhere.  So why haven’t I been in one?
First, there is that missing apostrophe.  There should be an apostrophe between the “d” and “s” in Menards, making it a proper possessive.  The store belongs to Menard, so it should be “Menard’s.”    The apostrophe has been eliminated for obvious—and grammatically incorrect—simplicity.  You may not think this is a deal breaker, but keep in mind I avoid shopping at Toys R Us because it should be Toys R We and I refuse to subsidize bad grammar.  Second, I don’t do hardware stores.  My original response to Menards was that it looked like Walmart and Lowe’s had gotten together and had a baby.  It was huge, shiny and clean but a hardware store, never-the-less.  
My closest friends will tell you that the over-riding reason I have never been to Menards is that I hate to shop.  I only shop when forced to by circumstances (hunger…breaking the head off my putter…being the mother of the bride).  I go shopping with an attitude, expect to be fed, and am convinced that if I haven’t found what I want in 20 minutes that is God telling me I don’t need it.  I have never gone shopping just because that sounds like a fun way to spend an afternoon; shopping is NEVER a fun way to spend an afternoon.
So last night was my first time in Menards.  Tom has a man crush on this store.  He wanted me to see how grand, how inclusive, how big Menards is.  His stated purpose was to give me a “tour” of the best store he has ever been in.  I took him at his word, and made a bathroom stop before we got started.  We walked the aisles—all the aisles—while he waved his arms in one direction after another.  He pointed out the number and variety of items on the shelves. 
“You don’t see this many sinks anywhere else!”
“This whole aisle is devoted to nail guns—not just one or two!”
“Do you like these cabinets?  I’ll buy you these cabinets!”
“LED lighted yard gnomes!”
Folks, I started pointing out items myself, just to focus my eyes. 
The truth is, Menards is a great store.  It is full service (there are even groceries).  It is clean, uncluttered, sensibly arranged and the prices are reasonable.  I can see why they are successful.  Certainly, they have a disciple in my husband.  I hope they open a store in Texas.  It will be so much easier for me to get Tom to take me out for ice cream.
American commerce keeps the faith.    

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

A Generation of Serfs

  On October 25, 1415, Henry V of England laid some serious hurt on the French at the Battle of Agincourt at Pas-de-Calais, France.   Part of the success of this campaign was due to Henry’s use of the longbow, but part of it also goes to the creative use of military indentures.   These legal contracts required all the English captains to provide specified amounts of men, material and time to the King’s cause.             An indenture was a document, written in duplicate and then torn along a jagged line, like little teeth ( dents ), in the paper.   One portion of the contract was in possession of each party and when the required conditions and period of service were fulfilled, the parts reunited, and the debt was considered paid.   Many of the people who first came to this country from England came as indentured servants, worked off their debt and became the backbone of the country.             Today we are creating a nation not of indentured servants, someone with a carefully
Read more

Our Beautiful Constitution and its Ugly Opponents

 The Constitution is our anchor of stability in a turbulent world!   We can withstand a bad President and a petulant Congress (for the short term, at least) because our Constitution both guides and limits.   If someone asked me to provide proof of a loving God, I would simply ask them how else so many geniuses in the matter of human governance could have been clustered together in the right time and place to create both our country and the means to govern it.    Our founding fathers had the vision to devise a way to not only govern themselves, but govern a country that they could not imagine, yet believed would prevail. The constitution of the United States is like a good parent.   It has allowed us to grow up as we have grown older, with the result that the United States of America is the oldest living democracy in the world.   The miracle of this document is that it lives, breathes and moves with the times.   The three branches of our government work together while standing alone
Read more

"You Didn't Build That:" Part I

Late in the day on Friday, July 13 th , President Obama mounted the stage of Historic Firehouse Number One in Roanoke , Virginia .   The room held around 800 people but it was hot and several people fainted.   In front of a carefully screened group of supporters he gave one of the most important speeches of his reelection campaign.    It was not meant to be a major speech.   That will come in the even more carefully scripted Convention Hall in Charlotte , North Carolina this September in front of adoring media and rabid political supporters.   But this speech in Roanoke is crucial to the 2012 election because on Friday, in Virginia , President Obama went off message.   Whether through error or hubris, he abandoned his script and spoke off the cuff.   And in so doing, he showed us the man behind the curtain.   The angry but controlled, insecure yet charismatic, market fearful, socialistically inclined man that Barrack Obama really is. I am speaking, of course, of the now famou
Read more