Rules for Grandparents
I must be from Lake Wobegone
because I come from a place where, in the charming words of Garrison Keillor,
“…all the women are strong, all the men are good looking and all the children
are above average.” I am sure that our grandchildren
have inherited all of the strengths and none of the weaknesses of their
ancestors.
We
love taking our grandkids on vacation.
The Children’s Museum in Indianapolis; The Volksmarch hike to the top of
the Crazy Horse Monument; and the aquarium in Monterey, CA are all at the top
of my list. Along the way we have
learned some things.
If
you ask a child if they have to go to the bathroom they will say, “No.” They are lying to you. They will suddenly have an, “emergency” and
the bathroom will be in the geographically most remote spot from where you
presently are. When you get to a
bathroom there will be a line. If there
is no line, the bathroom will be a port-o-potty that the child will tearfully
describe as, “nasty.” The child will be
right, but what difference does that make?
Oh, all of the aforementioned bathroom problems assume that the child is
a girl. If the child is a boy there simply
is no problem. Proof, if there was ever
any needed, that God is a man. You women
all know I am saying the truth.
The
other thing we have learned is that if you have two children on vacation you
must never—ever—offer them a choice (food, entertainment, games, chores…the
list goes on). Their invariable response
to any proffered choice is a tacit agreement designed to make you crazy. If one wants hot dogs, the other wants
hamburgers. Their little minds set the
timing to a hair trigger. Some times one
of them goes first, some times the other.
The point is to make sure that as sure as one chooses, “A” the other
chimes in with, “B.” Then they have the
fun of watching you squirm into the role of honest, if harried, broker. Take my advice, just make the burgers and
let them eat or starve. They’re smart,
they’ll survive.
If
you take your grandchildren to any animal centered activity they will want that
animal for a pet. We recently took our
two youngest grandchildren to the Harley Goat Farm in Pescadero , CA . They loved it but now want their parents to
buy them a baby goat. There is no
solution to this problem, but neither is it my problem. I get to drop the kids off with Mom and Dad
and then leave for Texas . Next year I am going to find a donkey farm to
visit!
Some
situations are standard. Children never
pack enough socks. Expenses will be
greater than you anticipate or think fair.
Electronics will keep you sane in the car! Kids eat crap and yet they thrive. [So did you!
You turned into a health nut when age caught up with you.] If the number of children exceeds the number
of adults you are not only out-manned, you are out-gunned as well. Don’t do it!
Finally,
I must say that there is nothing as fulfilling as watching the world through
the eyes of a child. They will make you
happier with their laughter; younger with their irreverence; fulfilled with
their spontaneous kindness and whole with their need for one more loving adult
in their lives. Thank you Lord, for you
have made me a blessed woman.
Children
give us a reason to keep the faith.
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